I love my family, but they're crazy.
  1. "Are you worried Lucy's not having a good birthday?" Mom to sister
    Said with complete sincerity, which flabbergasts me. Lucy is a dog. Sister's response, "Yes." Deadly serious.
  2. "Do you ever wonder if people who say they're going to pray for you actually do?
    Like when Anderson Cooper says my thoughts and prayers are with you, is he actually praying for them?" Again, completely sincere.
  3. "I'm not stupid, Jennifer. You think I am but I'm not. Just because I got defrauded. It. Will. Never. Happen. Again."
    The last line is my grandmother's famous saying and she ALWAYS does whatever it is again.
  4. "I hated that book so much I just threw it in the trashcan."
    This was said with such vitriol by my mother I was in shock. Who throws away books?
  5. "Go ahead. Check it out. See how much your sperm is worth."
    My stepmother to my dad while having a discussion about someone we know having a baby by a sperm donor.
  6. "If you never take a risk, you won't ever learn!"
    My wise nephew spouted this at me and my sister in law as we played/learned chess against my dad.
  7. "I'm going to wrap and I don't mean like Eminem."
    Stepmother announcing she's going to wrap Christmas presents.