My Deepest, Darkest Fears

  1. Hearing someone describe, in detail, an entire story from This American Life.
  2. That it will turn out some scientist fucked up and cigarettes actually don't cause cancer and I quit for no reason.
  3. What Dog The Bounty Hunter's brief fame says about us as a people.
  4. My insecurities perfectly overlapping with my inadequacies.
  5. Gremlins. Just in general, Gremlins.
  6. Living in a future where a significant other whom I love deeply, turns to me at breakfast, brushes the hair out of her face in just the cutest possible way, and says, "We should go see the Tilda Swinton exhibit at the MoMa."
  7. The slow death of broadcast television finally happening while I'm still here.
  8. That I'll die being too afraid to boldly split an infinitive.
  9. Never becoming best friends with Lin-Manuel Miranda.
  10. Being trapped in an elevator with someone I have no desire to fall in love or have sex with.
  11. That god doesn't exist.
  12. That God exists.
  13. Attempting to save seats for someone at a crowded bar.