ALL CAPS TITLES FOR LIFE!
  1. My parents, Woulden and Shew, named me Jack. That's cool.
  2. But then the saddled me with the middle name of In The, which is really two middle names. That's dumb.
  3. What's worse? I cannot stand surprises.
  4. Do I like my first name?
    Local
  5. Do I like my middle name?
    Local