THINGS PEOPLE INEXPLICABLY USE THAT CAUSE ME TO TRUST THEM LESS

Along with what they should be using
  1. Cash: to pay people back
    Venmo. This cannot be overstated.
  2. Pandora
    Spotify. I get it, you want the app to pick music for you. Spotify does this too, but it does so in a superior way
  3. Hulu plus
    Literally anything else. How can I trust someone who pays for ads
  4. @AOL.com email address
    Hotmail would've been too low hanging fruit. But Gmail obviously. Also Verizon.net freaks me out
  5. Best Buy
    Maybe I can sell you some Herbalife or travel agency services
  6. Washing dishes by hand
    The dishwasher is right there
  7. Budweiser
    It's as expensive as far better tasting beer. Whoever buys it is trying to make a statement about patriotism, probably.
  8. Uberpool
    Gett is $10 flat fee under 110th street. How can it be worth the strangers, you're not taking the subway for a reason
  9. Iceberg lettuce
    Kale is just superior in every way. And you also have baby spinach + romaine to redeem yourself before you sink to iceberg.
  10. Greek yogurt with frappuchino level add-ons
    Go with plain chobani or fage if you want me to trust your decision making