Don't let me

  1. Hold important papers
    Tickets, grocery lists, itineraries, birth certificates - I will put it down and walk away
  2. Touch Spotify
    For some reason I'm a god damn mom when it comes to Spotify and I always press the wrong button to ruin everything
  3. Fry eggs
    I can scramble like no body's business, but a fried egg vexes me
  4. Pick shots
    Apparently I always make the wrong choice. I'll make you a stellar drink though
  5. Feed myself
    Everything gets everywhere, I don't understand it
  6. Wash dishes
    Apparently I'm fond of man-made waterfalls especially whilst washing dishes
  7. Put lipstick on you
    More than once someone has asked me to put on their lipstick for important occasions and I just can't take the heat
  8. Be in charge of plants
    They say get a plant before a dog or cat to see if you can handle it, well I've kept my cat alive for 5+ years because she can tell me when she needs something not like a stupid, quiet, succulent that apparently I over water!
  9. Cook - unless you're fine with a little, baby mess
    I can cook pretty well, but I do spill things over the side. A lot
  10. Drive your car
    Only because I'm short and need the seat as far up as much as possible. So if I do drive your car, move your seat back BEFORE you get in
  11. Paint my nails
    I think it's fairly self-explanatory
  12. Talk dirty to you
    I don't know what to say. I'll feel awkward. You won't like it. It'll be weird