I Freak Out If...(an ongoing list)
- •My bed isn't made.No big deal, right? Wrong. I will shout "F$*K!" when I get home and see the way Past Jackie let Present Jackie down.
- •If I can't shower before I go to sleepI've lived in New York. I've worked at an elementary school. Both situations are like Vietnam: there are no rules. You need to shower.
- •I have to move/drive anyone else's car.I don't trust myself, and neither should you.
- •I have to operate a television in someone else's home.There are four remotes and it promotes anxiety within.
- •I think too long about outer space or the ocean.I can't even deal with this; where is a paper bag I can breathe into? I had to excuse myself from my 10th grade geometry class when my teacher explained infinity from a numerical standpoint.
- •People just start looking through my phone.Mostly because...my photos are a lot of screenshots of memes (#sad) and my neurosis is demonstrated SO clearly by my Google search history. See next item on list.
- •I Google an ailment/pain I have. (Or possibly have) (Or could possibly have) (Someday)I go straight for "In EXTREMELY RARE CASES..." for the prognosis. I think this picture speaks for itself.
- •Someone tells me "I have something to talk to you about later."I will worry about this all day. You will end up telling me about the guy you kissed this past weekend. I am relieved that you don't have one of the ailments I've recently Googled.
- •Someone I care about (and know very well) is traveling and I don't know that you made it home OK.I know that you're an adult and that I'm not your mom...and that I am terrible about confirming my whereabouts, tambien. But...I just worry something has happened to you. Just post a picture or something and I can go to sleep. OR...allow me to believe you never leave your city/ drive in terrible weather. Crisis averted.