CAMPAIGN ISSUES I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT

We the people demand answers
  1. Our dwindling national supply of DJ names
  2. Morrissey's increasingly insane riders
  3. National benchmarks for smells of nail polish and/or removers
  4. Stance on establishing formal trade relations with mall goths
  5. The Tissue Crisis
  6. Speed Metal Militias' rights to bear hot riffs and tasty licks
  7. Coffee
  8. Investments in foreign snacks
  9. State-by-state bans on foam parties
  10. Butt stuff
  11. Ongoing negotiations with yes men
  12. Rolly chair roll speed and spin speed limits