1. Kid: I want to have a band & call it The Worst Weiners
    Me: Ok, cool. I think worst should be spelled wurst.
  2. Kid: can I eat some raw meat?
    Me: let's go get sushi. Then I can have some wine.
  3. Kid: we're gonna stay up all night during the sleepover
    Me: many thoughts flying through my head, all of which could necessitate a visit from child protective services.
  4. Kid: The post office scares me: I think there's a shark in the fish tank & who knows what's in those little lockers.
    Dude - the fish are relaxing & the only thing in those lockers is mail, to which kid replied: yea who knows what people are mailing. Ok, can't argue w/ that.
  5. Kid: [re: cute boy @ school] I know where his locker is & I spy on him.
    Me: lol you spy on him?
  6. Kid: [in response to above] you know nothing about my life
    Hehe & you know nothing about mine!
  7. Kid: if you give me an apple I'm not going to eat it cuz it's probably poisonous.
    Me: Awww c'mon... You know the drill: of course, I love you, I just don't love your behavior. Now get to bed!