1. Halloween H2O
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    Starring Academy Award nominee Michelle Williams and LL Cool J
  2. House of Wax
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    It stars Paris Hilton as a human with emotions so you know it's good
  3. Scream 3
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    I watch because Parker Posey should have won an Oscar for playing Jennifer Jolie
  4. Blade: Trinity
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    The things I do for Ryan Reynolds -- but mostly his abs
  5. The Skeleton Key
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    I hear Gena Rowlands howling "Caaaaaroline" in my dreams
  6. The Final Destination
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    This is the one where a pool drain rips out Nick Zano's asshole
  7. Urban Legend
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    Pop rocks.