The Bad Scary Movies I Watch Far Too Frequently

  1. 1.
    Halloween H2O
    Starring Academy Award nominee Michelle Williams and LL Cool J
  2. 2.
    House of Wax
    It stars Paris Hilton as a human with emotions so you know it's good
  3. 3.
    Scream 3
    I watch because Parker Posey should have won an Oscar for playing Jennifer Jolie
  4. 4.
    Blade: Trinity
    The things I do for Ryan Reynolds -- but mostly his abs
  5. 5.
    The Skeleton Key
    I hear Gena Rowlands howling "Caaaaaroline" in my dreams
  6. 6.
    The Final Destination
    This is the one where a pool drain rips out Nick Zano's asshole
  7. 7.
    Urban Legend
    Pop rocks.