WHY ARE YOU TERRIFIED OF HOME OWNERSHIP, JASON?

I'll tell you why
  1. Homes are expensive
    The housing market in Washington, DC is absurd. When most of the rest of the country (NY and LA people ignore this) (so basically, all of ListApp ignore this) experienced a downturn in the housing market, DC's decided to act like it was the 90s and have a boom. This combined with widespread gentrification and a push to develop luxury condos anywhere land exists has made the housing (actual homes) demand super high and the supply very low.
  2. The homes that aren't expensive are not appealing to me
    Some people love large renovation projects. I like soccer. Some people move to crime-ridden neighborhoods for the quaintness (or something) of it. I like it when my car hasn't been broken into. I want a modern, renovated home in a quiet family-centric neighborhood with racial and ethnic diversity.
  3. Homes are forever
    Once you buy, you have a 30 year mortgage. In 30 years I'll be 60. I just can't...
  4. Something in your home break? Fix it!
    The dishwasher in my apartment broke yesterday. Know what I did? Go to my leasing office and ask them to put a new one in. If that happened in my own home, I'd end up at a Lowe's, I'd accidentally buy a washing machine, and we'd be cleaning our plates on permanent press for 30 years.
  5. Got mice in your basement?
    Well, you better start naming them because they are your pets now. "Hi Larry!"
  6. How to find the "right home"
    I want 1 kid. So 3 BR is probably good. And I'd like 2 full baths so that our guests can pee in their own shower, which I'm sure they do in my shower now just to spite me for making them sleep on an air mattress in my living room like a damn 22 year old. I'd like a yard with space for a garden that I'll never plant anything in. And I want my house detached because if I wanted to hear my neighbor listen to Sade at 6:45 every morning, I'd just stay where I am. And I want a fancy kitchen. For food.
  7. My partner and I agree on nothing
    She likes quiet, neutral colors and fixtures. I like the most garish things. I demand one of those faucets where the water flows downward into a glass bowl and she thinks that's stupid because the water just splashes everywhere and you're constantly wiping up water and I'm like "So we buy a sham-wow," and she's like "And just leave the thing on the vanity?" And I say, "Vanity? No I want the whole thing suspended from the ceiling via industrial chains." And she questions why we are together.
  8. My apartment is really nice
    Other than only having 1 BR and a windowless den, I could live here forever and be happy. I live at a Metro stop which is great for when I took the Metro those few times. I have a nice private balcony and a quiet, shared roof (with no pool thankfully so I don't have to spend my Sunday afternoons around drunk idiots in trucker caps talking about Diplo). There's a gym that I never use because running is for outside. And, again, when something breaks, someone fixes it for me.
  9. Society
    This isn't so much an answer to the question that spawned this list, but it's a thing. The reason I'm not married to my partner of almost 9 years? We are spiting society for constantly asking us "When are you *FINALLY* going to get married?" I feel similarly about my housing situation. People love to throw around the word "equity" like when you die, St. Whomever will ask you "How much equity did you have?" Is there an equity Olympics? Are we competing for homeownership? Why do I *NEED* a home?
  10. All of the above
    Please use the comment section to tell me what's great about owning a home. Just please avoid the equity thing.