WHY I'M GLAD I'M NOT A WOMAN

Praise Yeezus and thank Based God if you have a dick, cause you have it easy, but men need to take a stand for feminism. #HeforShe
  1. I don't get called a bitch every time I demonstrate strength and self confidence in the workplace.
  2. I don't get called a slut every time I have sex.
  3. I don't get called a prude every time I get whiskey dick and don't want to (read: can't) have sex.
  4. One time, I walked 3 miles through the ghettos of Brooklyn at 10PM by myself (to what was SUPPOSED to be a cupcake shop) with the confidence of George Costanza when he gets his toupee because I knew I'd be fine.
  5. I don't get accused of trying to enslave the opposite sex whenever I ask to be treated equally.
  6. I don't get paid ~23¢ less on the dollar for equal work.
  7. I've never once been sexually harassed by simply walking down the street.
  8. I don't meticulously, subjectively, and relentlessly get judged for my looks.
  9. I face significantly smaller chances of being raped. I've never once been in fear of being raped.
  10. My one female friend has a habit of pretending to know random girls at bars who look like they're getting hit on too aggressively. It's pathetic how often they play along just to get away from the creepy/drunk guy. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that with my male friends.
  11. I'll never have to face the decision to get rid of my last name.
    This is the stupidest thing in the world. Why should someone have to change their name if they don't want to?
  12. My dress at school has never "threatened" the ability of my peers to focus.
  13. Because no one has ever said "I hate it when guys swear."