Top 5 Reasons I'm Not Inviting You to Thanksgiving as Explained by Chad Radwell of Scream Queens

To someone who is: A. Not a psychology major and B: clearly doesn't get the fact that I've obviously been ignoring you
  1. 1.
    Last time we porked, I heard a tiny little squeal, like someone letting air out of a balloon. Followed by the smell of death. I feel like you farted.
  2. 2.
    You wear a huge flippin' neck brace. That means you have bum genes. Those bum genes would pollute the Radwell gene pool.
  3. 3.
    Your breath. It always smells like you just ate a cheeseburger. Seriously, it's like making out with The Hamburgler.
  4. 4.
    You, my friend, have a Pooh belly. Might have something to do with all the cheeseburgers.
  5. 5.
    Ahhh. This just in... You're not rich. And Chanel is loaded.