What my TED Talks would be about (and my opening phrase for them

Inspired by @andersun and @Boogie
  1. 1.
    Laugh-fu: how to use humor in even the most dire of situations
    "Stop me if you've heard this one. So someone tried to mug me yesterday..."
  2. 2.
    Getting nothing done while being the busiest man in the room
    "I read this fascinating article about procrastination as the deadline for my own article loomed closer..."
  3. 3.
    Origami as the solution to everything
    "So someone tried to mug me yesterday..."
  4. 4.
    How dogs save more lives just by existing
    "The other day, someone tripped me as I was walking home from a grueling day, without apologizing, and as I turned to confront them this older women comes by with a French bulldog puppy..."
  5. 5.
    How t-shirts can be accepted in the workplace
    "I suspected something was wrong when my boss did not immediately conpliment me on my 'Where The Wild Things Are' t-shirt."
  6. 6.
    When in doubt, write your doubts
    "Chuck Close once said, 'Inspiration is for amateurs;; the rest of us show up and her to work'. Well, I'm more of a novice than an.amateur, but still, I'm giving a TED Talk, so…"
  7. 7.
    Flexibility: how to deal with contrarian arguments that will affect you later in life
    "GAME OF THRONES IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF TELEVISION RIGHT NOW AND IF YOU DON'T THINK SO YOU ARE DOTHRAKI HORSE DUNG".