SHIT JAZZ MAJORS SAY

Overheard at your local Jazz Studies Department &/or Chris Potter Underground gig. In case you were even remotely curious.
  1. "No, I have not seen Whiplash. No, I have not lived Whiplash."
  2. "There's no scatting in rap battles!"
  3. "Bro, do you even Jazz?"
  4. "That drummer swings like Hellen Keller at a piñata party."
    Quite the party foul, for multiple reasons.
  5. "The Trombone Choir's sounding real nice!"
    W/straight face that accompanies a well-meaning fib.
  6. "I wish I were a pianist." /or/ "Yeah, I've really been 'shedding piano as of late."
    Always said by a second-year guitar player, most often after listening to yet another guitarist's album where Aaron Parks is a sideman. Some never recover.
  7. "I'd sure like to transcribe that ass!"
    Horny asshole to the department's token female non-vocalist. Sadly, instrumental jazz remains a sausage fest. Which is depressing, because the few women that I do know that play jazz are astounding & could crush a lot of us guys (Esperanza Spalding, Tia Fuller, & co.) (Note: transcribing in jazz means to listen to a recording of someone & write out what they're playing for purposes of study. Still not sure exactly how it applies in the above case...)
  8. "I'm paying this semester's tuition in exposure."
    Continues regular programe of sporting college sweatshirt without ceasing.
  9. "Live music, live gators, to most people at most restaurants, what's the difference?
    This hurts.