MEMORIES FROM HIGH SCHOOL RELIGION CLASS

All-girls Catholic school, 1996-2000
  1. I first heard the term "blue balls" from a nun.
    It was on a list of things boys would say to try to get us to have sex. The nun taught us comebacks for each one. For the blue balls one, we were supposed to respond, "Then give yourself a hand." I had no idea what either this or blue balls meant. I AM STILL WAITING FOR MY CHANCE TO USE THIS SICK BURN.
  2. We lined up to get the distance from the middle of our knee caps to the bottom of our skirts measured with a 3x5 index card.
    The 3-inch side. If the hem of our skirt hit above the index card, we would lose Honor Points.
  3. We learned that "natural family planning" (the rhythm method, but we weren't allowed to call it that) was the only acceptable form of birth control.
    Our teacher had gotten pregnant while using it. But she still advocated it: it just didn't work for her, according to her doctor, because her husband's sperm was "unnaturally long-lived."
  4. When we were learning about Islam, our teacher brought in a handout about why we should never marry a Middle Eastern man: We would be dazzled by his oil money, but in the end, it could never work out because he would oppress us.
    After I got mad and said my dad was from Afghanistan, our teacher made us watch Not Without My Daughter.
  5. We watched a lot of Lifetime movies to learn about important life issues.
    But the Amy Jo Johnson gymnast one just taught some people how to be more effective with their eating disorders. I personally learned never to join a sorority or Fred Savage would likely murder me.