REASONS WHY I WILL NEVER MARRY MY BOYFRIEND

ft. my very college-y apartment
  1. it's fine, i don't need to drink water today
  2. i love surprises like sharp knives in dirty cake pans
  3. mmm mildew sponges mmmm
  4. no, don't wash it out or throw it away or even put it back in the fridge
  5. so thoughtful, keeping my floor warm
  6. he's a fUCKING SOCIOPATH