RUMORS SPREAD ABOUT ME AND HOW I TRIED TO DISPEL THEM

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    Dedicated to this young man for his valiant efforts.
    thenk u, @maira.
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    4th Grade: "Jenny likes Matthew"
    Matthew was the first (and only) boy who ever told me he was "smitten" with me. I reacted by creating an email chain to the entire class listing all of the reasons why I hated him. It eventually reached our teacher, who called my parents. He didn't speak to me for months. The bad part: I totally, absolutely liked him. The good part: we dated for 2 months in fifth grade. The worst part: we drifted apart and I recently found out through Facebook that he is the Most Beautiful Man Alive.
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    6th Grade: "Jenny stuffs her bra"
    Surprisingly, I actually never did. As uncomfortable I was in my skin, my bewbs were never my concern. I can vividly remember Colin O. hearing this rumor during recess and jumping up and down to try and take pictures of my chest with his razr phone. Of course, to dispute the rumor, I did the perfectly logical thing and flashed a group of female friends so they could corroborate my story. Pretty proud of this moment, tbh.
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    7th Grade: "Jenny got uninvited to Amber's party"
    Woof, this was The Disappointment of my middle school career. A popular girl named Amber had invited me to a huge birthday party and dropped me so fast, so publicly, without any reason the day before it was scheduled to happen. People talked about this for WEEKS every time they saw me, and I did nothing but cry about it quietly in the bathroom. Not sure if this constitutes a "rumor," but wanted to include this so I could give a nice, warm middle finger to Amber. πŸ–•πŸΌπŸ˜˜
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    8th Grade: "Jenny made Janice cry in orchestra"
    20% true. Janice had created a fake AIM account and posed as me to try and break up my friend group. I have no idea why she picked me, but it almost worked. My best friend and I found out, yelled at her before orchestra, and she ran out sobbing. She denied everything, and my best friend turned on me. This was the w o r s t. I tried to tell people the truth but nobody listened. Eventually, I apologized to Janice so that people would talk to me again. Looking back, I shouldn't have.
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    9th Grade: "Jenny beat up a Mexican"
    Truly, I have no idea how this came about. I had certainly not beat up any of my Mexican peers. This was taken very seriously by some people and very jokingly by others. I decided the best way to prove this rumor wrong was to jokingly shove someone to show how ridiculous everything was. I pushed a Latina girl in my art class with one hand and smiled at her... And she threw my clay pot out the window.
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    10th Grade: "Jenny got a 36 on the ACT"
    I got a 35. I reacted to the rumor by saying, "I got a 35." 😏
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    11th Grade: "Jenny went on a date with Ryan at Taco Bell"
    This was a mean one. Ryan was a cool dude who was into me and was also pretty poor. He wanted to get lunch at TBell one day and, so, we did. People found out and made it into a big thing and Ryan stopped talking to me. In what is very prominently in my Top 10 Proudest Moments, I brought 10 beef burritos and cinnamon rings to my homeroom class that week and only gave em out to nice people. Shut everyone up.
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    12th Grade: "Jenny got dropped by Preston"
    Think about the name "Preston." Are you imagining a white guy who golfs and wears boat shoes? If so, you're right. I had a weird thing with the Whitest Dude Ever and was blindsided when he got back with his ex right before prom. It was very humiliating and I said nothing to dispel the rumors out of embarrassment. Almost didn't go to prom until a very nice guy in math class offered his unsolicited but welcome thoughts on Preston's hair. Went with him. Had a blast.