My good friend Elon allowed the world to share in his vision of the future of transportation yesterday. Here are the most interesting features he included with the release of the Tesla X.
  1. Gull-wing doors, pelican-wing trunk, penguin-wing cup holders
  2. Type IV bulletproof windshield for driving through gentrifying neighborhood
  3. Ludicrous-mode pricing
  4. Bio-mechanical engine that screams unintelligibly at the user when it thirsts for electricity
  5. Class 3 towing capacity for moving tiny house to more popular location
  6. Enough range to get from Palo Alto to your dealer's ranch in Humboldt and back
  7. Space for 6 family-member-sized emotional replacement drones
  8. Complimentary cast-iron brand of Tesla logo for easy body modification
  9. Panoramic moonroof for admiring vastness of the heavens, which we will one day conquor
  10. Racing stripes for that sleek, modern look