Highlights From Martin Shkreli's Christmas Party

My good friend Martin was arrested today for some trumped-up nonsense, but this past weekend, he threw the greatest Christmas party of all time.
  1. Using Wu Tang Clan's "Once Upon a Time in Shaolin" album to cut a mountain of pharmaceutical-grade cocaine.
  2. Performance by Yo Yo Ma ft. Fetty Wap.
  3. Ice sculptures of fleeing Syrian refugees that dispensed top-shelf vodka.
  4. Baby white tiger sliders.
  5. Skating rink made out of Voss-brand water.
  6. Hoverboards EVERYWHERE.
  7. Sean Parker doing drunk karaoke with Drake and the oldest surviving Little Rascal (Buckwheat).
  8. Roaring fire made out of $1 Million USD.
  9. Foxy boxing match between Sheryl Sandberg and Angela Merkel
  10. Cash bar.