Memories From My Times Spent With Donald Trump

My good friend Donald is running for president. Do you know him?
  1. That time I quietly sat in an Access Hollywood bus while Donald goofed around with Billy Bush.
  2. That time I convinced Donald it would be a good idea to hire illegal Polish labor to finish his hotel.
  3. That time I forgot to tell Donald that Rosie O'Donnell had sent him a really nice muffin basket after making fun of him on the view.
  4. That time I paid Lorne Michaels $80 Million to have Donald host SNL as a goof.
  5. That time Donald, Peter Thiel and I all kissed each other but promised not to tell anyone about it.