Spirits I Communed With Tonight
For those of you not in the loop, my home used to be a state orphanage until I bought it out and turned it into a mansion @curbed once described as "the axe body spray of houses." I guess I desecrated the wrong burial site, because about once a month I get haunted.
- •The ghost that crawled out of my TV.I didn't know ghosts COULD haunt UHDTVs. At least it looked really, really good.
- •The hitchhiking ghosts that hang out in my garage.They wanted to go for a ride in my Tesla, but no way was I going to let them get ectoplasm all over the seats.
- •The weeping orphan ghost wearing a burlap sack over its head.Jesus, you bulldoze ONE pile of rotting child corpses out of the way to install your infinity pool and you never stop hearing about it.
- •A whole bunch of dead pets.I also bulldozed some pet corpses.
- •Demon BoyI don't know WHERE the fuck this one came from. I really need to find some ghost exterminators. Anyone know some good ones in the Bay Area?
- •The ghosts of Christmas Future and Christmas Past, but not the other guy.They said that present was "kind of a dick."
- •My good friend Steve Jobs.I MISS YOU STEVE.