Universal Truths I Learned on My Three Day Spiritual Retreat at the Esalen Institute
Despite my massive success, I felt like I was in a rut. Thankfully, Lama Todd had the perfect solution for me: a three-day stay at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur. Amidst the meditation sessions, Gestalt practice and tantric yoga, I realized a few universal truths.
- •Clothing-optional hot springs are a great place to make new friends, but a terrible place to discuss the merits of "The Fountainhead"
- •Depression can be treated with organic eating, group chanting, and a healthy dose of LSD.
- •B. F. Skinner's bones taste like cherry Jolly Ranchers
- •When you act out your dreams with your new friends, you'll no longer be afraid of a dragon with the head of your father that vomits blood.
- •Taoism teaches us to interact in a non-judgmental headspace, which is a shame because the instructor Michael was a total dick.
- •Empathy is a wonderful thing for poor people to have. Otherwise, they might view the rich as some sort of enemy, rather than their social betters.
- •Your children are the greatest gift life can give you, no matter how soul-shatteringly disappointing they can be.
- •It's surprisingly hard to perform sexually in front of a crowd of cheering onlookers.