Ways to Disrupt the Primaries
- •Create a robot that will force every American, at knifepoint, to literally vote or die.
- •Install Marco Rubio's emotion chip, allowing him to better interact with organic life forms.
- •Release Donald Trump's long form dick certificate.
- •Actively campaign for Bernie Sanders on all dating websites until Americans can no longer be aroused without seeing the senator's face.
- •Use latest synthetic skin technology to create a face for Ted Cruz that people don't instinctively want to drive an axe into.
- •Feed Hillary false demographic data so that she begins every stump speech with "Where my 90 year old bisexual cat lovers at?"
- •Teach @GovJohnKasich how to use the Handspring Trio his granddaughter bought him in 2002.
- •Light pile of money on fire to summon the spirit of Mitt Romney