Why I'm Considering a Move to Silicon Beach

I love NorCal and all, but after a recent visit to Venice, CA, I'm considering a change of pace.
  1. Unlimited supply of transients for... research.
  2. Beautiful, vibrant young community who have already done all the hard parts of gentrification.
  3. Office space available directly across from the Google campus, so I can constantly wave my genitals at Sergey.
  4. Accessibility to the beach to test out Tesla's new fleet of miniature submarines.
  5. I'd be closer to my pet project, @list
  6. Dozens of bars full of the exact type of people who worship me.
  7. Accessibility to some of the biggest names in entertainment, like Ashton Kutcher and Wall-E.
  8. Housing stock mercifully devoid of child ghosts.
  9. New Metro rail line gives me something to look at as I drive my Tesla past it en route to Downtown.
  10. Proximity to Legoland.