BEST WAYS TO WATCH ENTOURAGE: THE MOVIE

  1. Eyes closed
  2. Eyes closed, hands over ears
  3. Eyes closed, hands over ears, earplugs, iPad off and hidden underneath the bed
  4. With your eyelids permanently propped open, Clockwork Orange-style
  5. (Pictured: one of the many big name celebrity cameos showcased in Entourage: The Movie)
  6. Eyes closed, hands over ears, earplugs, head under pillow, volume off, iPad off and hidden under the bed five floors down in your friends Alex and Ben's apartment
  7. Wrapped in raw meat in a lion cage at your local zoo, Praying for imminent death
  8. (PAGING THE ACADEMY: SCREENWRITING NOMINATION ALERT):
    "You can fuck it later" - Mark Wahlberg (playing Mark Wahlberg), after presenting "Drama" with a Golden Globe award for his performance in a movie within the movie that is Entourage: The Movie
  9. After drinking enough vodka and St. Germain to successfully block out the memory of ever watching it, until turning your iPad back on a day or two later and seeing it in your "Continue Watching?", forcing you to google "How to remove 'previously watched' on iPad?" because, let's face it, that's not the only one you want outta there
  10. In space, where no one can hear you scream
  11. (Presented without comment: Billy Bob Thornton and Haley Joel Osment in their star turns as father and son Texas billionaire film investors in Entourage: The Movie)
  12. At the Los Angeles premiere, slightly drunk but not drunk enough, fists clenched, angrily asking yourself what you did to deserve this indignity, then thinking of the mortgage on the Malibu house and the kids' private school and just telling yourself ahhh fuck it, I guess a check's a check (Perry Reeves only)
  13. In the middle of Times Square, directly facing oncoming traffic
  14. "Hey Vince, buddy, I need a favor - I need you to fuck my daughter's friend so I don't have to"
    Bob Saget, ladies and gentlemen, really just KILLING it in his brave and edgy portrayal of "Bob Saget at party" in Entourage: The Movie
  15. With your head tucked in a noose in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692 after building yourself a time machine and entering the words "any year where Entourage: The Movie is not yet a reality" into the "Destination" box
    Then failing to remember to leave your iPad behind, so that you wind up inadvertently bringing it TO Salem, where they hang you immediately after reaching their Puritanical breaking point, which comes somewhere around the Kelsey Grammar cameo, an actual cameo that actually exists in the actual movie that is Entourage: The Movie
  16. Just don't