BREAKING: RIZZOLI & ISLES TO END AFTER 7 SEASONS, LIFE LOSES ALL MEANING
THE WORLD MOURNS THE SHOCKING CANCELLATION OF RIZZOLI & ISLES, PREPARES FOR APOCALYPSE
- •ARE YOU SITTING DOWN? First things first: it's OK to cry. Do you have any alcohol? Might be a good time for some alcohol. Ask yourself: what would Rizzoli & Isles drink?
- •Secondly: wait. Rizzoli & Isles is a show? Rizzoli & Isles is a show still on the air? Rizzoli & Isles is a show that was EVER on the air? What?Just kidding!! Like the rest of the world - and probably Universe - I don't miss one SECOND of Rizzoli & Isles. Like, if you call during Rizzoli & Isles, you're dead to me. One time my appendix was bursting and an ambulance came, and I was like, "Guys, hold up: this is gonna have to wait until Rizzoli & Isles is over.....INCLUDING END CREDITS"
- •TNT's President, Kevin Reilly, has issued some statements to Deadline.com in the face of what is certainly an imminent mass riot: "We felt it was time," he said. "Everybody felt good about it."Everybody who? Satan and his minions?
- •"He (Reilly) would not elaborate whether the decision had something to do with stars Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander, who went through a difficult salary negotiations two years ago."God, I remember that - dark times. That was when I started the NYC chapter of the Rizzoli & Isles support group. We meet at the Dunkin Donuts on 34th between Madison and Park, fyi (urgent additional meetings TBD)
- •Pictured: Rizzoli & Isles, mere seconds before the vicious, salary negotiation-fueled fight that left them lying lifeless and permanently scarred in a pool of blood and hair extensions next to the craft services table
- •What exactly are the fans saying in the comment section of the Deadline article?Marty Romanelli: "What million dollar a year brainiac (ed note: he means you, Kevin Reilly) made this stupid decision???
- •And this, from Carol Sundahl: "Before it's over, we want our Rizzles!"PREACH
- •Finally, from Claire: "It is with s (sic) lot of regret that you discontinued the Rizzoli Isles show. It is a most excellent show whoever decided this better rethink this"Holy shit. Claire!! Claire is not fucking around. You hear that, Kevin Reilly? That's a threat, my friend. You live in a gated community, right? Malibu?
- •Pictured: Rizzoli & Isles in happier times
- •Quickly though: who is Rizzoli, and who is Isles?Trick question: who cares? We are all Rizzoli & Isles. And it doesn't matter, because it's ending, and everything ends, and please, somebody, give me a reason to live in a world without Rizzoli & Isles
- •Where could TNT even go from here? "While the network is heading into edgier, more serialized territory..."EDGIER THAN RIZZOLI & ISLES?
- •What am I supposed to watch now? The Mentalist? Bones? Is everything OK on the Bones salary negotiations front? Bones is a real show too, right? I actually feel like every single time I'm at the gym Bones is on. I literally cannot avoid a Bones repeat at the gym at this point. Sometimes I think Bones is FOLLOWING me?And that's OK, because that means that even if RIZZLES! (copyright: Carole) leaves me, I still have Bones. No one can take Bones away from me. Right? RIGHT?
- •"There’s been a lot of back and forth about whether or not Bones might be ending, but this weekend at the TCA Winter Press Tour, Fox's CEO announced that while Fox hasn’t ultimately made a decision on when Bones will end, the plan is that the show is definitely ending."Goodbye, world!!! Goodbye, Rizzoli! Goodbye, Isles! See you in Hell, Claire!
- •Farewell, Rizzoli & Isles. I want you to know that I will NEVER forget you. EVER.(mainly because I was shocked to learn of your continued existence, but it's the thought that counts. Watch your back, Kevin Reilly!)