I'M CALLING BULLSHIT ON THIS WEEK'S NEW YORKER FICTION

(I'll always love you, New Yorker)
  1. "most recherché of deviants"
  2. "camán-wielding cohort"
  3. "sudsy, ungainly fellatio"
  4. "fundamentally spurious obsession with suicidal ideation"
  5. "took a spumous dump"
  6. "submerged but profound and pullulating narcissism"
  7. "He noted the tarry density of its bilious murk, the tide-mark of phosphorescent scum bearding the centuries-old brickwork as the canal subsided toward the stark quays and the notional sea beyond"
    That's what he said
  8. "late-night dysphagic groans"
  9. "winsomely dissolute demeanor of a poet"
    (I actually kinda love this one)
  10. "magisterially self-pitying"
  11. "lumpy appurtenance"
  12. "indistinct, mnemonic collateral on the cusp of disintegration"
    Is that just a stolen Cure lyric?
  13. "Dopplered gulling"
  14. "spectral, incipiently canonical gaze"
  15. "knee-length mackintosh"
  16. "sebum gleam to his macrocephalic forehead"
  17. "Karen Huger Slams Ashley Darby During Fight Over 'Ejaculate' Comment in The Real Housewives of Potomac's Season 1 Reunion"
    Back to reality. You keep aiming for the stars, Us Weekly