@sarahgorman, your timing could not have been better. I was going to post these quotes but got sidetracked dreading a blind date (fun fact: his age is a mystery - but he's older: like, "an aspirin a day" older, at least - and he maybe doesn't have a phone? Basically I'm going on a date with a Luddite Nosferatu) - but now I clearly have to. Enjoy!!!
  1. "Underneath cloudlike clusters of balloons (modeled after work by artist Charles Pétillon) and hanging sprays of white roses"
  2. "Kylie (with love Tyga) wore an $18,000 gown by Yousef Al-Jasmi originally designed for Jennifer Lopez"
  3. (Ex Caitlin Jenner toasted her from the bathtub!)
    Note to US Weekly: how DARE YOU put that sentence in parentheses
  4. "Kourtney evoked Jay Gatsby from F. Scott Fitzgerald's 1925 novel"
    Let's please not drag F. Scott any further into this
  5. "On the back of the Lehr and Black invitations was a 3-D rendering of Kris"
    I live a few blocks from the Empire State Building (where it's now swarming with even more extra cops and security) and I have to take the Acela out of Penn Station the day before Thanksgiving, yet this remains the scariest thing I've thought about all day
  6. "Kendall, Kylie, Kin, Kourtney and Khloe gave Mom an Emmy donated by a winner. Notes a partier: "Kim said, "We will have one someday.""
  7. "It took 25 hours for Santa Monica's Balloon Celebrations to set up 5,000 balloons!"