1. Stuffed animals
    "HOW DARE YOU EMASCULATE MUDGIE" - my brother, to me ("How's that 34C working for you?" - me, to Mudgie)
  2. Actual animals
    Namely Lando Calrissian Balboni (R.I.P.), whose reign as the world's most unwilling Superhero lasted a mere three hours before my Dad relieved him of his superhero obligations (LANDO I'M SO SORRY)
  3. (but maybe not totally sorry because, i mean, the CAPE)
  4. Dolls
  5. Jack O' Lanterns
  6. Carly Fiorina
  7. Peeps
  8. My showerhead
  9. Mannequins
  10. R2D2 and C3P0
  11. Ventriloquists' dummies
  12. Cody the RoboSapien
    I'm starting to question what my Netflix thinks about my taste in cinema (also, I just anthropomorphized Netflix)
  13. (I would kill to find out who had the bigger trailer: Cody or Penelope Ann Miller)
  14. Muppets
  15. Assorted edibles
    "You and I are gonna have some alone time later"
  16. Greek statues
  17. The Balto statue in Central Park
  18. Portraits
  19. My iPhone
    "Why are you doing this to me"
  20. This Big Papi bobblehead
  21. Garden gnomes
  22. John Travolta's 2015 Academy Awards toupee
  23. My late cat Owen
    Primarily in song. For example: "Since u been gone, Owen can breathe for the first time" and "What is Owen doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?" and "Owen's a singular sensation, every little step O takes!" (Owen's primary caregiver @airlinem does not enjoy random texts telling him about new songs our former purrecious O has been squeezed into."
    Suggested by   @theranman