THINGS NOT TO WEAR THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN

  1. Your costume
  2. Skinny jeans
  3. The top of your costume and skinny jeans
  4. A leotard made from the shiny plastic carcasses of empty Brach's candy corn bags
    Brach's: capitalized, always. RESPECT
  5. Black socks with tiny little witches on them
    (too late)
  6. The top of your costume, skinny jeans, and black socks with tiny little witches on them
  7. An expression of complete disgust and shame (applicable only when looking in the bathroom mirror)
  8. A "GOT RINGS?" Yankees t-shirt (note: ever)
  9. Crocs (seriously, ever)
  10. Your heart on your sleeve (when your neighbor Alex asks you how you're really feeling after "Candycornathon2015")
  11. Out your welcome (when your neighbor Alex asks you how you really feel about coining the title "Candycornathon" for an annual candy corn binge)
  12. Jorts
  13. Just for you, @michellemiller