NEXTDOOR PERSONAS I MAY ADOPT FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT

  1. Todd
    The neighborhood curmudgeon who will stop at nothing to prevent driveway turnarounds. Including, but not limited to: cameras, signage, spike strips, irrational online confrontation & filing for street closure permits with the city. Winter is coming.
  2. Glen
    Really wants the neighborhood to be a community tool library or a library library or a bar. Does anyone have a hay hook? How about a bullnose plane? Would someone lend me their copy of David Lee Roth's "Crazy From the Heat", for 6-8 weeks? Can I borrow some Scotch? Good single malts only.
  3. Madeleine
    Lives on the fringe of an affluent neighborhood, but is not well-to-do herself. She's persistently flummoxed by the ridiculousness of her Nextdoor community. She secretly dreams of what might have been if she lived in the house across the street.
  4. Ryland
    Sends "Urgent Alerts" almost weekly that his indoor cats have escaped. No one in the neighborhood ever sees or finds them, yet there they go escaping once again. Maybe he's just lonely and looking for attention, but it's most likely a cat hoarding situation.
  5. Rich
    Without fail, also needs to borrow whatever Glen is requesting.
  6. Samantha
    Daily land mine report. If she sees that you're not cleaning up after your dog, you might as well move to another part of town.
  7. Abra
    Really wants to get an organic community garden started, to teach her two daughters how to nurture a seedling from dirt to dinner. Her cries are mostly ignored as everyone else finds it's easier to just shop at Whole Foods.
  8. Barney
    A quiet widower, who's recently taken an interest in technology in an effort to reach out to others. He's not completely sure what's going on with his "Nextdoor" neighbors, but he's interested in seeing what everyone is up to. "This younger generation doesn't talk face-to-face anymore!" There are offline whispers that he may be the neighborhood perv.