1. Hot Pockets, Did you eat a hot pocket? Some comment including hot pockets.
  2. I saw you at some place. (insert photo of poorly dressed fat white guy)
  3. When are you performing in (insert city/state/country) Usually a city I've recently performed in.
  4. My son/girlfriend/ father thinks you are funny. Can you call them, say thier name at a show, send money?
  5. How did you snag Jeannie Gaffigan?
  6. This new born baby/ toddler looks like you. (Insert photo of pudgy baby or grumpy toddler)
  7. Has anyone told you that you look like Phil Hoffman, Jon Ryan (punter for Seahawks)
  8. So glad you are liberal/ conservative.
  9. So disappointed you are liberal/ conservative.
  10. Bacon.
  11. I just ate as much as @JimGaffigan