REASONS I DON'T USE UBER

  1. I think it's a dating site
  2. The German name makes me think they might drive me to a concentration camp
  3. I might know the driver personally and will be embarrassed for them
  4. I'm scared the driver might get weird
  5. I'm sad that the driver might not get weird
  6. I might have to sit in the puke of the rider before me
  7. Afraid I will get a bad rating as a passenger
  8. Just started yelp and I can only handle one new thing a year
  9. Their cars don't have mustaches
  10. Would if they changed the name to Uber Alles
  11. I don't actually go anywhere
  12. Can't bring guns in the cars anymore
  13. It isn't a dating site