Things for which cats are ineffective

There are many things that cats are good at or good for, but there are also many things that SEEM like you could use a cat to accomplish yet are actually terribly ineffective uses of your feline.
  1. Towel
    It is really hard to dry one's hair with a cat.
  2. Pillow
    Soft and fluffy, yes; hold still for long periods of time, for certain; fur in your eyeball that will drive you to distraction? Every. Single. Time.
  3. Guard animal
    Will either try to cuddle with the stranger, demand food, or just straight up hide.
  4. Yoga buddy
    Though flexible and good at stretching, when presented with you-on-a-yoga-mat the cat will find a way to climb under you, making your workout completely impossible.
  5. Book prop
    Propping up a book on your cat (which is, of course, sitting in your lap) while you read seems like a great idea, except one of the Rules of Being Cat (see other list, after I write it) involves only sitting ON books and never letting books sit on you.
  6. Alarm clock
    While it might SEEM like your cat is shouting for breakfast at the same time every morning, the one day you forget to set your alarm your cat will decide to sleep in the other room.
  7. Art
    This is actually a handy way to think of your kitty, as a little piece of living art in your home. The only problem is the Art will move and has a tendency to break all the other art.