COMPONENTS OF MY DREAM HOUSE

I have had this list for too long.
  1. Rooftop garden.
    With herbs and vine fruits, so I can tell my children to "go grab a few sprigs of thyme from the roof."
  2. Stairs with a slide.
    Going down stairs is a lot of work.
  3. Light switch and water faucet next to my bed.
    This is a boring one but I hate when you're all snug in bed and you have to get up to turn off the light or get water before you sleep. Screw that.
  4. Secret rooms hidden in each bedroom.
    My friend had a secret playroom behind a bookcase in his house and even though there was only a blanket and some old toys inside, it was the coolest thing ever. I want my kids to have that. These would also be useful in case of Nazis.
  5. High, interesting ceilings.
    I think there should be more ceiling art in the world. Painted skies, murals, patterns, whatever--just make it feel like I'm in Hogwarts.
  6. The perfect reading nook.
    Duh.
  7. One of those bridal shop-style mirror areas with a pedestal.
    I have no idea what you call these, but they're in most stores with fancy clothing. You stand on a pedestal and look tall and beautiful and can see yourself from a bunch of different angles. I want that.
  8. Bath overlooking the sea.
    In this scenario, there's a huge window looking out over the ocean that I can see out of but no one else can see into.
  9. Bedroom or study overlooking a forest.
    I realize this is tricky in conjunction with the last one. Work with me here, it's a dream house.
  10. A wall of records and a big ol' record player.
    I like records as art. They are underutilized in decor.
  11. Chutes.
    I was always resentful of my mom for not installing laundry chutes in our house. I want those, I want a compost chute, I want a recycling chute, I want all kinds of chutes. ALL KINDS.
  12. A stained glass window.
    Why don't more houses have stained glass murals?? They are so cool!!
  13. A circular library with a wheeled ladder.
    If I don't feel like Belle, I'm not interested.
  14. Tortoise. Courtyard.
    Ok this one is the weirdest. I want a large glass encased courtyard with giant tortoises lumbering around it. My goal would be for a "Land Before Time" vibe--I would adopt the tortoises as babies and then they would grow up to lumber around, chewing lettuce near my ankles while I read fantasy novels on a wooden bench next to them.
  15. THIS.