Desirable Traits In a Mate

Regardless of gender or preference
  1. Knife-thrower
  2. Grows own cork
  3. Owl taming
  4. Pro- cargo hold
  5. Knowledge of bubble wrap history
  6. Able to swim for up to two hours
  7. Newspaper ink resistant
  8. Can throw a boulder
  9. Sleeps horizontally
  10. Buffet line strategist
  11. Skeptical of mirages
  12. Tamper-resistant
  13. T-shirt cannon owner