10 Times I Wished I Was an Animorph So I Could Really Just Join the X-men!

  1. 1.
    The Stomatopod
    Odontodachtylus scyllarus (or mantis shrimp) can punch through aquarium glass…because his punch packs the same power as a bullet shot. Oh, almost forgot, they’re four inches tall. And have 16 cones in their eyes enabling them to see ALL THE COLORS (humans have a pitiful 3 cones, sometimes 4). X-Men Twin: Beast, Juggernaut, Warpath, Sabretooth
  2. 2.
    The Immortal Jellyfish
    Turritopsis nutricula folds in on itself when it’s about to die, absorbing itself and returning to the polyp stage to start his life over again. Existential, man. X-Men Twin: Apocalypse, Exodus, Mr. Sinister
  3. 3.
    The Horror Frog
    Trichobatrachus robustus, aka the hairy frog. This Aussie is pretty much Wolverine, except it has to break its own bones to use its claws. Inside the frog’s foot is a chunk of collagen and a muscle – when the muscle tightens, the claw forces its way downward through the skin, exposing it. My dad originally wanted to name me Logan, so this would be like kismet. It too is really hairy, but its hairs are external gills... cool? X-Men Twin: Wolverine, X-23
  4. 4.
    The Pistol Shrimp
    Imagine being able to clap your hands so fast that you could create a sonic blast of 280+ decibels or boil water in an instant. Yeah, meet the freakishly powerful Alpheus digitalis, who can do just that by snapping her claws. FYI, an ambulance siren’s around 120 dbs, a gunshot or explosion's around 140 dbs, and at close enough range, a human exposed to 170 dbs has a 50% chance of surviving. You'll die for her applause, applause, a-claws... X-Men Twins: Arclight, Rictor, Avalanche
  5. 5.
    The Hippopotamus
    You guys, time out- TIME THE FUCK OUT – Hippopotamus amphibius secrete a blood-like substance from their skin that acts as sunscreen. You guys, like, seriously, for poor, pale gingeys who are also quite hairy and therefore sweat a lot in the sun, this is the holy grail of superpowers. That’ll do, hippo, that’ll do. X-Men Twin: Cybelle (to be fair, her pore secretions are acidic, but she is a ginger!)
  6. 6.
    The Sea Cucumber
    Actinopyga echinites can Alex Mack itself into liquid form, and then back into solid form. Holy Larisa Oleynik, Batman! Through what is coolerthanyouly referred to as ‘superior neurological control,’ the sea cucumber can liquefy itself, usually to slide into a crevice or crack, before re-solidifying to prevent predators from extracting it. It can also vomit it’s internal organs out and then regenerate its body…. Think I'll pass on that one…. X-Men Twin: Mercury
  7. 7.
    The Maned Three-Toed Sloth
    Bradypus torquatus - this stoner, y'all. She heals like super fast. Even if it’s a really bad injury. Oh, and like in X-Men Days of Future Past, these sloths are endangered. And sorta have claws? X-Men Twin: Wolverine, Deadpool
  8. 8.
    The Alpine Ibex Mountain Goat
    The Capra ibex really belongs on the Animorph-cum-Spiderman List, but I had to include this lil’ billy goat for its vertigo-defying wall-scaling abilities. They also live in northwest Italy and the French valley, so they're like, fancy goats. X-Men Twins: Nightcrawler, Toad, Shadowcat
  9. 9.
    The Peregrine Falcon
    Not only the fastest bird, but in fact the fastest living thing on Earth, Falco peregrinus' ‘slaughter dives’ for their prey can reach an astounding 242 mph (389 kmh). That’s over three times faster than the fastest land animal (cheetah) and the fastest sea creature (sailfish). Respect. X-Men Twin: Angel, Quicksilver
  10. 10.
    The Tardigrades
    Tardigrada (aka Water Bear) – pretty much indestructible. Can survive in outer space, hot springs, and the bottom of the ocean. Can go without food for over a decade, which sounds like the best and worst mutant ability wrapped in one. Unfortunately, no matter how indestructible or adherent they are to their diet, bitch ain't cute. X-Men Twin: The Phoenix