THINGS THE MAN PLANNING TO BRING A GUN INTO THE ST LOUIS ZOO THIS WEEKEND COULD DO INSTEAD

  1. Enjoy a waffle
  2. Drive a little too fast but not too fast
  3. See "Spy" with Melissa McCarthy
  4. Volunteer at a soup kitchen
  5. Put DW40 on a rusty fence
  6. Daydream
  7. Go on a peyote mind quest
  8. Play Mario Kart 64 and marinate in nostalgia
  9. Contemplate the true meaning of love
  10. Help a 3 legged dog find his footing again