Five examples of my intellectual deficiency

I may wear glasses and ties, but I'm not quite as bright as I may seem... Here are five examples of areas where my intellect falters.
  1. William Shakespeare
    I simply cannot get into the works of the Bard. I saw a great production of 'Romeo and Juliet' about a year ago and I almost understood, but under analysis, my enthusiasm crumbled. I find it all to be very tedious. Maybe it's having to study it at school? Then again, I still love 'An Inspector Calls'...
  2. The Animal Kingdom
    I know absolutely nothing about animals. I don't really watch Attenborough and so feel like I've missed out on a lot. I don't know a coot from a moorhen (they're both bastards), and I thought that Grizzly Bears were bigger than Polar Bears. Also, I think that they're all chimps, even though I know they're not.
  3. Reading
    I struggle to commit to a book, often getting midway through before putting it back on the shelf and returning to it weeks/months/years later. I love reading, but I have difficulty bringing myself to actually do it.
  4. Magical Fantasy Stuff
    I have no time for magical fantasy stuff. 'Game of Thrones', 'Harry Potter', anything by Tolkien: bored, bored, bored. I loved 'The Chronicles of Narnia' in Primary School, but I have no desire read about/watch anything involving dragons, elves, etc. anymore. It's dull as dishwater.
  5. Basic Skills Acquired By Children
    I can't ride a bike, swim or tell the time. I cannot balance on two thin wheels. I believe that some people are destined to sink when placed in water and that I am one of those people. As for telling the time, I just simply cannot do it. I look at the clock face and all meaning drains from the positions of the hands. Why is the big hand measuring the smaller time unit anyway? What's that all about?