Misconceptions I Had As A Child

I was a dumb Ass Kid
  1. 1.
    Pretzels were made from wood
    The texture had Mr convinced I already knew by then cooked bread was toast and pretzels weren't toast. So in my Head they were just a tasty sort of tree carvings.
  2. 2.
    I was foolishly tricked into believing Photomax and other outdoor film kiosks Were folded to the size of a briefcase that the store owner brought home daily.
    That may sound stupid enough that I should at least Consider a helmet (for general safety) What's actually worse was when I realized I had been duped I decided to share the lie with my little sister who not only believed it well into her 20's but would talk to others as if it were common knowledge. It's clearly different for girls. I'm ugly people immediately let me know when and how horribly misinformed I am.
  3. 3.
    I Thought Hulk Hogan Was Mostly Bald
    I think I was right about that one
  4. 4.
    I Thought.... Nah F@¢k That I was taught that America solved the equality problem. That no matter what you look like, believe, or don't believe if you were American it still applies to you.
    My Formative years were PRE-internet so I wasn't told the stories that made up America, I was taught the stories America made up. I didn't realize how vicious, divisive, vitriolic etc. We still really are, Some still have a difficulty accepting that some people are brown or maybe even darker. I was under the impression that all those fights had been settled, common sense persevered and America Kicked Ass ...Peacefully or so I thought. Yet The reality is People still fight for basic rights
  5. 5.
    I thought Smokey The Bear was directly holding me accountable for every Forrest Fires.
    This is another one my older brother convinced me of. Picture this if you can . One month after we moved to Long Island, the Pine Baron's burnt to the ground. 2 weeks later a wooded area burnt to the ground. I assumed it was my ass, and it was only a matter of time, and though I've never fought a bear I doubted I'd fare well. The fear inspirped me to help the local fire department. Sweeping/Mopping inventory recovering supplies for house and trucks. It actually birthed my future career.
  6. 6.
    I Still Don't Think Smokey is Satisfied With My Efforts
    I've seen A lot of Forrest fires and burnt more land down to trick the fire into suffocation. However, I don't think Smokey is pleased, in fact he may be pissed! But look me in the eye and tell me You Ain't gotten good deals from the Target and Stop&Shop that were built over Your precious wild land. Regardles of my rationales the original agreement was Only I Could Prevent Forrest Fires and to say in the least I REALLY drop the ball one that one and Smokey doesn't seem the forgetful type.
  7. 7.
    I Thought being Left handed was a disease and inconvenienced the poor right-hand folk
    Tryna find scissors was the worst for me because righty scissors don't work upside down. And let's face it lefty scissors sucked too. Most south paws just give in on that one and learn to us righty scissors a.k.a. scissors. And were those "lefty" desks designed by right-hand people. I never figured it out. At some point I said F@¢k it and tried to train my right hand 25+ years later I can write incoherent with both hands. Some aspects I couldn't transition. Drumming. Self pleasure etc .
  8. 8.
    The Electoral College voted by the Will of the people
    Try telling a 10year old that voting is important Even it seems that your personal ballot was not even acknowledged. That just because many adults are. Convinced America is over. I can't explain the electoral college what it does. How are people appointed most Social Studies teachers can't answer those questions I bet you can ask the most inside member and they generally wouldn't be able to fully explain what they do. Once upon a time I believed We voted and whomever gained the most votes won!
  9. 9.
    I thought I'd be the next Evil Kenevil
    I got as far as all the broken bones. I also attempted many of my daring feats on a Mongoose no engines. I had to build a tolerance for pain somewhere right? That dream fell through as well.