Things I Have Learned From My Career as a Professional Wrestler

I'm not/ nor have I ever been a professional wrestler.
  1. We don't really hit each other.
    Who knew?
  2. Getting a boner in the ring is more terrifying than any injury, or person.
    Can't market a boner.
  3. You can't be on your phone in the ring.
    Like texting and driving, but texting and pile-driving. (Pun)
  4. It's a family business.
    We're all actually related in some way.
  5. It's hard to get merchandising if your gimmick is as an eccentric Ice cream scooper.
    Catchphrase: "Will that be one scoop... Or two?!?"
  6. Coming out to "Ice Ice Baby" gets you booed.
    I was told not to
  7. Steel chairs are actually made of the same material as Nerf products.
    The sound effect is just a noise we make with our mouths.
  8. The blood is real...
    It's just not human.
  9. Much like stripping, always tip the house mother (referee).
  10. You get a lot of people saying "don't I know you from somewhere?"
  11. They'll pay you to retire.
    End of career.