Reasons I've dumped a girl

True reasons why I have dumped a girl and decided that the thought of dying alone was better than the situation I was in
  1. 1.
    She named her hamster Stalin
  2. 2.
    She queffed while we were Having sex with such a tenacity that my dick was literally pushed back out
  3. 3.
    She drove a Buick LeSaber and was proud of it
  4. 4.
    She asked me for my last name so she could friend me on Facebook
  5. 5.
    She has 3 gnomes in her room
  6. 6.
    She routinely mispronounced "Parmesan"
  7. 7.
    She didn't come from a broken home
  8. 8.
    She thought we had a future together
  9. 9.
    She thought "Brexit" was a new type of McMuffin from Burger King
  10. 10.
    She never said "Bless You" after a sneeze