WHY MY TORTOISE SUGARLUMP RULES THE SCHOOL

My Russian tortoise Sugarlump is super cool and my best friend for the following reasons:
  1. She is from the desert so she likes to bury her head in the sand like a dodo bird.
  2. She sleeps 22 hours a day.
  3. She is sometimes so lazy that she doesn't feel like taking the five steps to her food bowl.
  4. She loves hiding in a cave for hours at a time.
  5. Her eyelids blink up instead of down.
  6. She sometimes stays in the same position for days at a time and you need to poke her leg to ensure she's still alive.
  7. When she doesn't like the food I give her she poops on it.
  8. She has a cute and funny pink tongue.
  9. She is curmudgeonly and adorable at the same time.