1. My sanity for going out once again on Black Friday
    Every year my sister drags me out. "It will be fun" she says. Then I spend the rest of the night and morning asking "Why I fell for it again?". No sleep, large crowds and shopping for crap no one really needs does not make me happy. Ever.
  2. The sketchy Huddle House cook with the 31 tat
    Could he possibly be the subject of the infamous "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" tune?
  3. The reliability of my bladder after a 32oz water and a grande Starbucks
    After 3 kids, waiting in lines with a full bladder is as risky as jumping out of a plane. I kept envisioning the possibilities of what may happen & wondering if the news reporter would be inconveniently taping at that time.
  4. What is the foreigner doing my nails really saying about me?
    I know... I feel like a skank so I know I look like one & I may possibly smell like one. But as they take my $30 are they really excited that I am leaving or were they really wanting me to partake in that 30% pedicure deal?
  5. Did my niece keep my brother up all night or does he just wake up prick-like today?
    Ok I know your wife has been gone and you've had to be a 100% attentive father. I know for some men, that's exhausting. But I'm tired and I brought u in gifts, don't be a prick.
  6. Is my headache because all of these people are making me crazy or due to lack of sleep?
    I eventually decided the only reason they were making me crazy is because I was sleep deprived and I took a much needed nap.
  7. My best friends intelligence
    @andlamb is literally my best friend in the entire world and one of the brightest, wittiest people I know. However, some days, she makes the irrational choice to disregard what any professional recommends. Even possessing this quality, I love her. #Thelma&Louise
  8. My kids' weekend bedtime
    I know it's the weekend & I'm being a fun killer due to my lack of sleep, but as an adult, I don't think an 8pm bedtime sounds bad? However it's near 10pm and they are still awake watching movies with dad and I'm not far from venturing back to my bed.