1. Thanks for reminding me I don't have a dad, Father's Day.
  2. Does Hallmark have cards thanking fathers for being absent and responsible for a shitload of daddy issues?
  3. Nope, I don't need suggestions for crappy gifts for a man who doesn't know me.
  4. Oh, he's still alive. He just decided I didn't need a dad after all.
  5. His other kids can celebrate this day with him. Must be nice.
  6. I can't wait for today to be over.
  7. I have the best Mom ever.
  8. Hey, ya know what? I turned out alright after all.