FUNNY COLLOQUIAL SOUTHERN PHRASES MY GRANDPARENTS USE

Hey, y'all come on in. These are not for the faint of heart and all are/were said often by my grandmother and grandfather.
  1. Well kiss my foot!
    A euphemism for "kiss my ass!" Translates to: I don't believe it! You're kidding! My grandmother Charlotte used this so much it is forever in my memory.
  2. Well I'll be darned.
    A euphemism for "Well I'll be damned." AKA "I didn't see that coming!" Or "I guess I was wrong about that."
  3. The sun doesn't shine on the same dog's ass all the time.
    You can't always get what you want.
  4. Dooflatchy
    This is used to name someone who's name you can't remember.
  5. I need to put my face on.
    I need to put on my makeup and do my hair.
  6. I'm gonna fix up!
    I need to go get ready!
  7. If you have to eat a turd, don't nibble on it.
    If you need to do something bad might as well get it over with. Which brings me to...
  8. You can't polish a turd.
    You can't make someone unattractive (physically or personality) attractive. Also like...
  9. Don't try to teach a pig how to sing.
    Don't bother trying to teach someone something who isn't going to learn.
  10. I don't give a rat's ass!
    DGAF
  11. If I tell you a mouse can pull a breaking plow, you hitch him up!
    If I tell you to do something you better just do it.
  12. I will skin you alive...
    You're in deep trouble.
  13. They aren't worth a dime.
    Pretty self explanatory.
  14. He/she is ugly as sin.
    Extremely ugly/mean. Ugly in old southern chit chat meant both physically unattractive but also mean or spiteful.
  15. You can kiss my shiny white ass.
    DGAF
  16. Give me some sugar, sugah!
    How about a kiss, sweet thing!
  17. Worthless as teets on a boar.
    Totally redundant/useless.
  18. It smells to high heaven!
    It smells really bad.