LIES MY DAD TOLD ME

In all fairness, he is a really great dad. However, he has told me...
  1. That he had two other kids from a previous marriage, both boys, named Shoot and Shot. They were wanted by the police so they lived in our shed out back.
    THANK YOU FOR TERRIFYING ME, DAD. Also, I was 3-8 so give me a break for believing him.
  2. That Faith Hill was a large hill where people went to pray.
    This upset me much more than it should have.
  3. That I was going to have my 6th birthday party on the large empty grassy area by the highway exit.
  4. That I was so lucky I won the baby in the king cake every Mardi Gras.
    In reality the baby came on top of the cake and my teachers would hide it in my piece since my dad brought my school king cakes every year. I won the baby six years in a row before figuring it out.
  5. That if I yelled "daddy" multiple times a grand daddy long leg would come in to my room.
    Touché, dad. Touché.
  6. That mash potatoes were really "hot ice cream."
    Mmm delicious...