MY GREATEST REGRET 😕
Inspired by @ListPrompts
- •My greatest regret is the amount of time I've wasted/lost being sick.
- •I'm not talking about physical illnesses but mental health.
- •It began when I was really young. Probably around 6. I began to show signs of generalized anxiety disorder.
- •My anxiety would rule my life for years to come but in those days no one really knew about anxiety disorders so I was left without help.
- •I experienced my first traumatic experiences at age 10. And it changed me.
- •This is when I would say that mental illness did not just become something to work around in my life but something that consumed it.
- •I was filled with fear. I lost trust in teachers, peers and my parents. I questioned why I was alive. I was terrified to go to school. I was terrified to go most anywhere. I was difficult to live with as I did not know how to express my emotions except by lashing out at others.
- •I continued to experience traumatic events throughout the rest of my time in school eventually developing PTSD.
- •At age 12 I became obsessed with staying thin. I began to monitor my weight and watched what I ate.
- •It got worse in high school and followed me into college where I met the criteria for anorexia for the first time.
- •Anorexia takes a lot of time. Calculating calories, exercising for hours on end, playing with food at the table, finding excuses not to eat. I don't know how much time I spent on my illness over the years.
- •In 2009 I entered inpatient treatment. I wouldn't emerge fully until 2011.
- •So much passed me by while I was inside. Holidays, 2 birthdays (including my 21st), my cousins had babies, my brother left for college, my friends prepared for graduation.
- •I came out better but not cured.
- •I still struggle immensely with PTSD, anxiety and at times depression. I can't hold a job or go to school because of this. My life is limited to therapy, dog training, family and a few friends.
- •And this is what I regret the most and what I continue to regret. All of the time I spent sick of dealing with my illnesses. Not just the time in treatment but in school, college and now.
- •I have missed out on so much and continue to do so. And this is what I regret most.