THE TIME I ALMOST DIED 💀
Inspired by @ListPrompts
- •Trigger warning!
- •I was out of my first stay of inpatient and residential eating disorder treatment.
- •I thought since I was restored to a higher weight than I'd ever been in my life it wouldn't matter if I used eating disorder behaviors such as restriction (both food and water).Yes. Looking back I see how idiotic this was but when you are consumed by an eating disorder you don't see reason.
- •So I restricted. A lot. And lost a fair amount of weight quickly. But I wasn't concerned because it didn't put me back in the "anorexic" weight range.FYI: how sick you are with an eating disorder actually has very little to do with weight. People die at normal weights quite frequently.
- •My parents and therapist were though. And they prepared to send me back to treatment.
- •This time to a new place. The Center for Change in Utah. It was a different type of program. Non hospital based and had things like music and art therapy.Someday I'll write a list about The Center. What happened to me there was a total transformation. That place is truly a place of healing.
- •I got there almost a year to the day I had admitted to my first IP stay.
- •I thought I was fine.
- •My first night there I passed out. And I had extremely irregular rhythms on the EKG.
- •This had had happened at my first stay but this time it sunk in.
- •I was dying. In fact if I had waited just days or a week longer I would be dead.
- •My body was giving up on me because I couldn't nourish it.
- •I wish I could say I gave into the program with that realization but it made me fight it even more strongly.
- •I wanted to die and to know I was that close to death and the fact that they saved me enraged me.
- •But that's another list for another time.
- •Eating disorders kill. They are silent killers who could take a life at any moment with no notice. Reach out for help if you are suffering. I'd love to talk to you if you need to confide in someone. Send me a list request saying that and I'll send one back with contact info.