WHAT I TELL MYSELF ABOUT RECOVERY

  1. Others will always be sick. If you wait until everyone is well to give yourself permission to fully recover you will never do so.
  2. Don't compare your recovery with someone else's. Same with your relapses and your illnesses. Your journey is your own and everyone's journey is unique and individual. What is the same about everyone's eating disorder story is that it is hell on earth. Remember that.
  3. Stop justifying the behaviors with the excuse that you are only hurting yourself. This is untrue. Look at your mother. At your father. At your brother. Everytime you deprive yourself they die a little inside too. They remember you at your worst and when your hurt yourself they are seeing that person - not the person you are today.
  4. (Con't) they have seen you when you were dying and they cannot forget.
  5. Quit rationalizing the illness and realize you are past that point. You have far too much therapy to think that flimsy excuses justify destructive actions. If you slip up take responsibility. Don't blame others or even the situation around you. Recognizing your triggers is different than giving yourself an easy out.
  6. Go to therapy. Even when you are convinced your therapist is useless go anyways. Therapy is your medicine. It is what is teaching you to change your thoughts and patterns. It gives you accountability with your therapist and also teaches you how to be accountable to yourself. Therapy is essential to your recovery.
  7. Find those friends and family members in your life who are your true support system and hold onto them. Not everyone who was in your life before or who enters your life during the years of recovery can be someone you share your darkest moments with. Figure out whom the people you can true and open up to them. Allow them to share some of the burden.
  8. (Con't) when they ask if they can help - say yes. Even if all you need is to have them sit silently on the other end of the telephone.
  9. Discover what gives you joy and what your passions are and pursue those. This is what will fill the space previously occupied by the calories in every single food and your exact goal weight. You must seek out light on this journey and deliberately trying new things and discovering they bring you happiness is what will do this.
  10. (Con't) hold onto these new passions and pleasures and bring them out when the darkness seems too great.
  11. Choose to leave the eating disorder world. Stop reading the sick girls tumblrs and blogs and wishing you were them. Instead reblog quotes and poems that talk about strength snd survival. And as you reblog them choose survival for yourself each and every time.
  12. Finally, begin to let go of the illness. Open your life to the possibility of living.